Essay| Braving the Wilderness
watch a video, check this out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A9FopgKyAfI
It’s not easy to stop looking for confirmation that we don’t belong or that we’re not enough. At the very least this is a habit for most of us, at worst confirming our inadequacies is a full-time job. When this mandate first emerged from the research, I started working on it, little by little. I would set an intention to stop looking for confirmation that I wasn’t smart enough when I walked into a meeting, or that I didn’t belong to a parent’s meeting at my son’s school. I could not believe the power of this practice. My son, Charlie, is in middle school, and my daughter, Ellen, is starting her first year of college. We had a long talk about the validity of this practice, and they both said they could immediately tell a difference in how they were showing up with their friends and in their lives.
Given my personal history and my work, I’ve always parented with the belief that love and belonging are the ground zero of wholehearted parenting. If they know they are loved and lovable, if they know how to love, and if they know that no matter what, they belong at home, everything else will work out. However, as they got older and peer groups became more important, it was easier than I had imagined to slip back into subtly teaching them how to fit in or do whatever it takes to find a crew. My own fear set a default of, “Well, what is everyone else wearing?” or “Why weren’t you invited to the sleepover – what’s wrong?” I have to stay constantly mindful to practice what I believe as a parent and not let fear take over when my kids are hurting.
The importance of belonging at home again became very real to me years ago when I was interviewing a group of middle school students about the differences between fitting in and belonging. I shared these findings in Daring Greatly, but it’s worth sharing them here again. When I asked a large group of eighth graders to break into small groups and come up with the differences between fitting in and belonging, their answers floored me:
Belonging is being somewhere where you want to be, and they want you. Fitting in is being somewhere where you want to be, but they don’t care one way or the other.
Belonging is being accepted for you. Fitting in is being accepted for being like everyone else.
If I get to be me, I belong. If I have to be like you I fit in.
They nailed the definitions. It doesn’t matter where in the country I ask this question, or what type of school I’m visiting – middle school and high school students understand how this works. They also talk openly about the heartache of not feeling a sense of belonging at home. That first time I asked the eighth graders to come up with the definitions, one student wrote, “Not belonging at school is really hard. But it’s nothing compared to what it feels like when you don’t belong at home.” When I asked the students what that meant, they used these examples:
Not living up to your parents’ expectations
Not being as cool or as popular as your parents want you to be
Not being good at the same things your parents were good at
Your parents being embarrassed because you don’t have enough friends or you’re not an athlete or a cheerleader
Your parents not liking who you are and what you like to do
When your parents don’t pay attention to your life
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ESSAY PROMPT: As a result of joining the robotics team at Carl Hayden, the lives of the boys changed in a variety of ways. One of these ways is their sense of belonging, which, we could argue, helped set a foundation for higher needs on Maslow’s Hierarchy. We could also argue that it made the lower needs easier to deal with. The book is about many things, but one of the most important themes is that other people can change our lives and help us feel like we belong to something, even when life is very difficult.
In an academic essay, show how joining the robotics team affected their sense of belonging. You should plan to thoroughly write about one character. You could do two, but talk to me about making sure you have enough information to support your ideas.
Your thesis (the last sentence of the first paragraph) has to specifically respond to this part. It should include:
The name of the character you’ll be writing about
How (or what) caused them to experience belongingness
Examples:
Even though Oscar Vazquez experienced pain in his life, he was still able to work through his situation and find happiness because he felt like he belonged to other people. The main causes of his belongingness were _____________ and _______________
Lorenzo is an example of a person who had a hard time feeling like he belonged in the US. In time ___joining the robotics team____________ and ______volunteering to help others_______ helped him feel like he belonged.
In the beginning of your essay, explain why the boy(s) did not fit in at the beginning of the book. Was it their home life? The way others saw them at school? Was it because of their personality or looks? Their status as poor, undocumented immigrants? The way they saw themselves? Make this clear that they did not have a sense of belonging.
Then, you must comment on specific experiences the boys had with others on the team. By doing this, you will argue that these were the causes of their new sense of belonging by the end of the book. That is, identify the causes of change in their life, all of which resulted in their sense of belonging. (Essentially, you are writing a cause/effect essay that shows the final effect of belonging caused by _______________________).
Your topic sentences here must be specific to the character and explain what was the cause of belongingness. Do not use a quote in your topic sentence. Do not talk about people in general in your topic sentence. Talk about one specific character and the thing/person/group that helped him feel like he belonged.
Cristian had a sense of belonging in his country, but in Phoenix he needed support to help him feel like he belonged.
Being at Carl Hayden High School in Arizona and meeting new people, such as Freddie and the other boys on the robotics team, were great opportunities for Lorenzo to find himself.
NOTES:
Introduction
Hook (anecdote/question/fact/quote)
Belongingness and fitting in (cite Brown): “Brown is a researcher who has studied ___________________________.”
How lives are affected by not belonging and by actually belonging (again, you could use Brown)
Spare Parts and the one character whose life changed
Thesis: belongingness in the essay for one boy
Write as well as you can. This essay needs to have grammatical correctness, organization, and comprehensibility. Your essay needs to contain one clearly stated and well-supported main idea (your thesis), which addresses this topic, and no other topic.
Use Unit 6 (Cause and Effect Essays) of GW3 to help guide your writing. We will be doing activities in this chapter to help you with vocabulary on cause/effect.
In your introduction, be sure to explain the topic. Use the information from Brown (you can also add information about Maslow, but Brown is required). Also, you must use MLA! Use no more than one direct quote. You will end your introduction with a clear thesis.
Then, in your body paragraphs, you will cite evidence from Spare Parts. Use MLA! You must use one quote per body paragraph. You can also paraphrase other information from the book. You will connect your points back to Brown and/or Maslow.
