P.M. Forni: Why civility is necessary for society’s survival
05:49 PM CDT on Friday, July 23, 2010
In today’s America, incivility is on prominent display: in the schools, where bullying is
pervasive; in the workplace, where an increasing number are more stressed out by co-workers
than their jobs; on the roads, where road rage maims and kills; in politics, where strident
intolerance takes the place of earnest dialogue; and on the Web, where many check their
inhibitions at the digital door.
In the last 10 years, the coarsening of life in the U.S. has become a high-profile concern, in part
because of the misbehavior of high-profile people. In opinion surveys, Americans say incivility
is a national problem – one that has been getting worse. And the concern goes beyond simple
rude words and acts; incivility is known to escalate to physical violence, a fact of life confirmed
by the daily news.
Of course, not everyone has joined the chorus lamenting the decline of civility. Dissenting voices
point out that conflict is the life of democracy, that an excessive concern for the niceties of
language and demeanor can stifle political debate. And they worry that many pro-civility
measures adopted in the last 20 years by colleges and other organizations run afoul of the First
Amendment.
As the national conversation on civility gains momentum, the time has come to take a closer look
at what civility is, why it matters and whether it deserves all the attention it is generating. Are we
making too much of too little? After all, one of the dissenting voices could say, although life may
be littered with the nuisance of little incivilities, the world does go on. The problem, however, is
that the incivilities we confront every day are many – and some of them are not so little.
But let us begin at the beginning. From where did we first get “civility”? “Civitas” is a juridical
and political construct that Greco-Roman antiquity bequeathed to Western civilization. In Latin,
it meant “city,” in the sense of city-state, the body politic, the commonwealth. Consequently,
“civilitas” – which became “civility” in English – was the conduct becoming citizens in good
standing, willing to give of themselves for the good of the city.
Building on the notion of “civilitas,” here is a possible definition of civility for our times: The
civil person is someone who cares for his or her community and who looks at others with a
benevolent disposition rooted in the belief that their claim to well being and happiness is as valid
as his or her own. More Americans are discerning with increasing clarity the connections
between civility and ethics, civility and health, and civility and quality of life. In fact a consensus
is developing around the notion that a vigorous civility is necessary for the survival of society as
we know it.
Civility and ethics: What gives true civility depth and importance is, first of all, its connection
with ethics. Just look at the Principle of Respect for Persons, a cornerstone of all ethical systems
known to history. It states that we are to treat others as ends in themselves rather than as means
for the furthering of our personal advantage. In other words, our
behavior must be informed by
empathy.
For example, say your spouse loses a big argument with you; you may be tempted to use your
victory to manipulate him into making concessions he would never make otherwise. But you
know the honorable thing to do is to spend a few conciliatory words to help him save face. This
is civility.
Civility is not trivial, because it allows us to be ethical agents in the most common of situations.
To put it more simply, civility does the everyday busy work of goodness.
Civility, health and quality of life: Imagine a supervisor harshly upbraiding a worker in the
presence of colleagues – and then the upbraided worker retaliating by making the supervisor look
bad in front of the boss at the first opportunity. This kind of uncivil behavior happens all the
time. It is disruptive and stress-inducing – and can affect the health of employees and businesses.
Studies have shown that protracted exposure to stress caused by living in an uncivil environment
increases the chances of contracting cardiovascular disease, for example. And the American
Psychological Association has estimated that workplace stress (considering absenteeism, loss of
productivity, medical expenses and turnover) costs U.S. businesses about $300 billion a year.
On the other hand, when we engage in a civil and pleasant exchange with a friend, for instance,
our bodies release neurochemicals such as oxytocin and serotonin that lower our stress levels,
make us feel better and strengthen both our immune system and our bonds with that friend. The
bottom line? The harmonious relationships that civility helps foster have a positive impact on our
overall well-being.
Civility and the survival of society as we know it. History is rife with examples of deep
thinkers who understood the critical role civility plays in a well-ordered society.
The framers of the U.S. Constitution assumed that their fellow citizens’ pursuit of personal
interest would be bound by self-regulation based on religious belief and ethical principles. John
Adams saw with particular clarity that without allegiance to those principles, no government
could survive.
“We have no government capable of contending with human passions unbridled by morality and
religion,” he wrote in 1798. “Avarice, ambition, revenge or gallantry, would break the strongest
cords of our constitution as a whale goes through a net. Our constitution was made only for a
moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate to the government of any other.”
In Britain, judge and mathematician John Fletcher Moulton observed that between the realm of
the things we do with unrestricted freedom and those we do because they are prescribed by the
law, there exists a middle ground, the domain of Obedience to the Unenforceable. Here our
actions are influenced by our sense of what is the proper, responsible and decent thing to do.
They fall, that is, under the rule of an unofficial code of duty to goodness. Coaching a Little
League team is an example. Participating in a neighborhood watch program is another.
Civility and good manners belong to the realm of the unenforceable. For Lord
Moulton, “the real
greatness of a nation, its true civilization, is measured by the extent of this land of obedience to
the unenforceable.” The more a society relies on self-regulation – the more civil it is – the less
need it has to legislate and the less it will be plagued by coercion, conflict and litigation.
What Adams and Moulton recognized is that for any society to survive and thrive, the total
amount of goodness circulating at any given time needs to remain above a certain level. We are
the world’s trustees – not just of the air we breathe and the water we drink, but of one another’s
quality of life, contentment and happiness.
Civility is the shape that care takes.
Humans are the most social of all earth’s creatures. We constantly connect and relate. If life is a
relational experience, then its quality is, to a considerable extent, measured against the quality of
our relationships.
Receiving a good training in civility allows us to acquire an effective code of conduct for these
relationships that will serve us well throughout life. Thanks to these skills, we behave in ways
that make others want to keep us around them. We thus find ourselves embedded in circles of
connection and care, such as family and friends. Through the bonds we forge, we stave off
isolation, which – as studies conducted by researchers such as J.K. Kiecolt-Glaser and J.T.
Cacioppo – is a predictor of early onset illness and early death. Yes, at the cost of sounding guruish,
civility can be a matter of life and death.
And the nation is catching on. As the conversation about civility has grown louder over the last
decade, groups have taken notice. Many communities, schools, agencies and corporations have
launched pro-civility initiatives.
In Duluth, Minn., the “Speak Your Peace” campaign was conceived to bring civility to public
discourse so that more citizens would consider civic engagement. At NASA’s Goddard Space
Flight Center in Maryland, workers have regular meetings to foster talks on civility and diversity.
Cedars-Sinai in Los Angeles, Johns Hopkins in Baltimore and George Washington in
Washington, D.C., are among the many hospitals that have opened an in-house conversation on
the impact of medical workers’ disruptive behavior on therapeutic outcomes. The initiatives are
in the hundreds, if not thousands, and few existed even 10 years ago.
It’s safe to say that the first decade of the millennium was when America rediscovered why
civility matters. It will take the second decade to figure out what we do with that knowledge.
P.M. Forni is the founder of the Civility Initiative at Johns Hopkins University and the author of
“The Civility Solution.” He speaks frequently on the connections among civility, ethics and
quality of life. His e-mail address is forni@jhu.edu.
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